Tears were rolling down my face as I walked away back home. One of them slipped and fell into a puddle on the floor. It had stopped raining, the storm was over, and I was alone in the cold that comes after. A moment ago we were walking the same street to the train station, and as we were approaching it, I felt all the things I never tell you burning in my throat, but when I thought carefully about what words were exactly those, maybe to say them aloud to you, they turned into nothing, hid away, afraid of the possibility of becoming real, and I remain silent because didn’t know what could I say or if you’d like to listen it. And when we got to the train, all was overwhelming and in a hurry, you dissapeared inside the train to find your seat and I was stupidly standing there in front of it, watching you fading. A part of me wanted to surround the wagon and see if you were safely sit in your seat and waved goodbye, but another found that fool and just was dying to desperately walk away. The second one won, and pushed me to turn back and walk outside. And once in the street again, I started to feel really bad, like if there was no hope and no point in my shallow existence anymore, like if I was fading, eaten up by the train as you. I felt the same way I feel in that recurrent nightmare of mine where I lose the few people I still care about. My eyes were crowded with tears, and people were passing me by, so I was afraid they noticed and lowered my head, feeling little and helpless. That was when one of my tears got lost in the puddle. And that was also when I felt a vacuum inside of me so thick that was too much to bear for my heart, and a scream so silent that defeaned my ears went through it cleanly. I just wanted to turn back and run towards the trains again, to see you one last time, to wave goodbye, as it was the only thing I could do, because it was impossible to make you stay by my side. I was a bad person, full of envy and hatred, having abandoned you there without a smile. I needed to see you again before leaving, so I notice that from where I was standing I could observe the railway between some bushes, so I stopped walking there and wait for your train to leave. In a few seconds, one passed and I was sure it had to be yours. Its windows were too dark for me to see through, and with the bushes, you couldn’t have seen me. Your train speeded up, losing in the distance, and the long string that bounds my heart to yours was getting more and more tense, until it broke with a little pain, setting me free. But I didn’t want that freedom if it meant standing alone in the cold of winter. Anyway, I restarted my walk and once at home, the emptiness and silence there were as vast as the ones I carry insde of me.


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