I cannot help feeling ashame when I realize my freedom is only a false perception, when you remind me the power you still hold over me, that the fact that now I’m doing what I want is because you allow me, is subject to your conditions and you’re always watching, alert to the slightest mistake to fall on me. My liberty hangs on a whire that you can cut whenever you feel like and you aware me of this with veiled threats. And I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of you whining and making me feel guilty. I’m tired of having to live my life like you want, of being your perfect project, of cannot commit any mistake. I’m fed up of having to live my life always trying to not disappoint anyone, always taking into account what would say any Tom, Dick or Harry about my decisions, and specially, you. I’m fed up of the faith you all have in me, as if I was something special. I get sick every single time you say you’re proud of me, I wish you weren’t at all. I’m tired of my life as miss Perfect. I’m tired of you throwing up your hands to the possibility of me making a mistake and breaking all your plans for your perfect project: me. But I’m not a project, my life isn’t anyone’s project, is just mine and, as a human being, I can make mistakes. I have a right to make mistakes, and I want to be wrong and I need to be wrong. I have to make mistakes in order to say I’ve lived. I want, I need, I long, I desire, I cry out to be wrong, to mess it up, to make mistakes because I’m young. How can you say you love me if you kill me and cut my wings, if you hold your power against me, if you don’t let me go away from your plans and choose my own path? You don’t do all this because you love, all of this isn’t an expression of love, it’s just an expression of your fear, fear to suffering, fear to lose, fear to pain, you’re pathetic and coward doing this to me, prolonging the agony and closing your eyes to the indisputable fact that one day I’ll go away from you and then I’ll commit errors. You should listen to the advice one day somebody gave you, you should let me fly away.