I want college to finish. I wish it finish tomorrow, because I need to go away. I need some money to get out of here. Probably, when I finish university, I’ll have to work in this country for a few months, to pay back my parents and save some to start all over. I don’t know where I’ll go, wherever, because that is not important when you don’t know what you’re running away from. The only thing I’m sure is that I’ll go to another country and my new place will be a big city.
I’ll get a work there, probably a TIC company, and will rent a small and seedy apartment downtown. It’ll be on a high floor, so I’ll be able to see all the city lights through the big windows at night. It’ll be the kind of apartment that hasn’t got rooms, just things spread around (that’s gonna be the best for me, because I’m so pell-mell), and the bed will be besides a big window.
Everyday I’ll wake up in the morning, read the newspaper, check out social networks, have a coffee in bed and then get out to work. My work will be awful and stressful, I’ll have to manage a lot of projects with a bunch of incompetents. At first, some of my work mates will offer me their friendship, and I’ll politely decline their offer, because I won’t want to lose my brand new independence so soon, although there will come a time when I’d regret it. Then, they’ll wonder what’s wrong with me, but after a time will come to realize that I’m strange, and will leave me in peace. Maybe I’ll have lunch everyday with some mates, and that’s all.
When I’ll come back home, will be so tired. I’ll throw my stuff and open the laptop to surf the Internet for a while. Then I’ll have whatever as dinner and spend some time programming, or playing a game, or just seeing crap on the Internet. After that, will read in bed a book about Philosophy, Sociology or some good literature. When I’ll close the book, will realize I’m unable to sleep because ghosts come to haunt me, so that I will sit down on bed and contemplate the city as loneliness burns me. Then will lay down, close my eyes, hug the pillow and think about how wonderful would it be if it was alive.
Some days, I’ll have to go shopping food and other stuff. Buying things will boost my morale, and will feel kind of happy and comfortable for a while. I’ll buy a bonsai and place it on the kitchen countertop. Maybe it’s not the right place for a bonsai, but I don’t care. Then, I’ll buy tones of books that I’ll keep on a big shelf, because it’s one of my dreams: to have a house full of books. I’ll buy an old record player and start a collection of vinyls too. Jazz and rock ‘n roll. I’ll play it while I have dinner, or while I read in bed. Then I’ll get me some guitar lessons where I’ll meet some interesting mates and talk about music and rock bands.
On Saturday nights, I’ll dress up and put my make up on. Then will go to the most chic restaurants in town, and will eat Japanese food, Chinese, Indian or whatever. After that, I’ll wander through downtown, looking at people, lights, sounds… When I’ll come back home, will contemplate the city until fall asleep.
As I’ll earn quite some money and will live by myself, I’ll be able to travel as much as I like, and will use all holidays to visit new places.
I may study another degree. I’d like to study medicine to become a psychiatrist (the dream of my life), because it’s bad to waste our talents, but it would take me too long, so I may end up just studying psychology. After that, I’ll join some kind of charity or whatever and will help people for free, because I didn’t pay anything for my talent, I think it’s something I have to share with the rest of people without wanting anything in return.
Some nights I will think about my friend and you, about all the good times we had, and will feel alone, and will cry because I’ll miss you. Then the next day I’ll call you or write a letter. I promise you I’ll send you a Christmas every year. Maybe I’ll start to miss my parents too, my family, my hometown… Maybe one day I’ll realize it’s been my home all along and I’ll feel ready to come back and be happy there, or maybe that will never happen…
Slowly, years will be passing by, slowly my family members will die, one day my parents will too, you will too. I’ll see how wrinkles start to appear on my face and my heart, traces of the wasted nights of my youth. Then I’ll regret all as I age and age, but anything will have changed, I’ll be as lost as always. Slowly everything that tides me here will disappear, I’ll start losing things. Slowly, I’ll dissapear too… without any trace.