One day you wake up in the morning, so happy. Your fears glide in the horizon, but for the time being you think they’re far away, under control. Actually, they’re taking refuge in the stinking caves of the dark lowlifes of your heart, feeding and fatten until they become of grotesque proportions, black as the darkest of nights, ready to assault you at any time.

So you wake up in the morning with the sweet leaves of a nice dream which, although you can’t remember, was beautiful. A guarantee that everything will go pretty well today. And so it is, you’re encouraged and people around you are being nice to you. Then, completely unaware of what awaits, you decide to look through the window to snoop. That’s when fear attacks. There it is. And you speed up through its phases:

Phase 1. Paralysis: since your senses register what is happening until your brain processes it, there’s a lapse of time in which you’re unable to move.

Phase 2. Sensation of irreality: once you’re brain has understood the message, you feel a rush of blood to the head and your cheeks burning while you feel a bit dizzy because of the sensation of irreality.

Phase 3. Anxiety: once your feet are on the ground again, you need to know more and more of what has happened and what could you do about it. Your hands are shaking while you rush for an answer. Oppression squeeze your heart.

Phase 4. Calculus: your brain starts to analyze how high is the damage already and to shuffle possibilities and scenarios.

Phase 5: Desperation: your brain is unable to process as fast as anxiety demands, so it ends up collapsing. Then, it’s when fear really takes over and let yourself panic.

Phase 6: explanations: once you’ve calmed down, start to think about possible explanations, logic or not, of the events, trying to convince you that there’s no reasons to worry.

Phase 7: I may have overreacted: you take a new approach of the events and think that, as you weren’t that prepared, maybe you’ve been a bit exaggerated.

Phase 8: Realism: once you’ve overcame the initial shock, you can observe the events from a more objective and realistic point of view. This makes you see that it wasn’t that bad, although the situation is surely worrying.

Phase 9: Depression/Encouragement/Anxiety: you go through this moods in a loop, until all starts to fade away with time.

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5 thoughts on “I have fear of the fear I have

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