A boy I met some time ago told me this story about a woman he once loved and how she broke his heart. I thought it was a good one and deserved to be written, so here it is. I wasn’t much inspired to pick up a title, sorry.
He was looking through the window of the small pension, waiting patiently. Every time he remembered the events of the last weeks, his heart galloped happily inside his chest, and a smile was drawn on his lips. Finally. It was his opportunity, all his efforts, his fight and tears during two years were going to be rewarded. From his room in the second floor, he could contemplate the street. It was winter and had rained. People walked outside very warm, umbrella in hand. The streets were wet. Another time it would have seemed a depressive scene for him, but not this time, this time even the saddest picture in the world would have looked beautiful. All was lighted by a special light which came from the heart and hope. On the sidewalk, he saw a couple walking. They were talking, looking to each other and laughing. On his face, the smile become wider. Soon, he won’t have nothing to envy. He looked at the clock, it was six o’clock yet, so she should be at the doorstep.
He was lying on bed, half asleep, his eyes half closed and some traces of tears on his cheeks. The computer was playing a hard and stark song by some metal band. Suddenly, his mobile, which was charging, connected to a plug on the wall, lit and started to shake. For a second he thought about not answering, but finally he got up with some effort and looked at the screen. It was an unknown number. Anyway, he answered the call, wishing his voice didn’t sound too pasty.
-Is it Josh?
-Yeah, who are you?
-I’m a Paris’ friend… We met a day some months ago.
-Oh, I remembered… Why are you calling me? Is there something wrong? Is she okay? – suddenly, his was completely awake and his voice denoted concern and some anxiety.
-Yeah, nothing has happened… I just called you to tell you that she has broken up with his boyfriend, if you’re interested… -he added, doubtfully.
-Ooh… – didn’t know what to say – Well… thank you very much for telling me, yeah.
-Well… then, bye then. – It was evident the conversation was turning embarrasing for both of them.
-Yes, bye, thank you – and ended the call.
He came back to bed again and lay down, looking at the roof. He was feeling kind of confused, a mixed of happinnes and shame. Happiness because now she was free and he would have a chance, and shame because his feelings for her were so evident even for someone who didn’t know much. Anyway, taking into account that he was capable of travel two hundred miles and spend hundreds of dollars just to see her for a few hours, it had to be quite evident, of course, no matter how much he detested that someone knew what his heart harbored. Somehow, he felt pathetic and desperate for all that, but if he looked at the rest of his life, it wasn’t strange he held on to that on that way.
The waiting had been rewarded, and now it was time to play his cards.
Again, he had wandered hundred of miles. Again, he had spent hundred of dollars. Again, he was walking with her through the city, and just contemplating her face, the most beautiful he remembered, was enough to justify all those sacrifices. However, that time it was not that absurd, that time there was a possibility.
They had been in a pub. When they got outside, it had rained again, and was very cold. Night had fallen and the streets were empty. They walked side by side, in silence, until he broke it:
-I’ve heard from a friend of you that you’ve broken up with your boyfriend…
-Oh, yes, it’s right – comfirmed her, with some melancholy.
He swallowed and began:
-There’s something I’ve never told you because I didn’t want to make things complicated or even lost you… The truth is that I’ve been in love with you for a long time, you’re really important for me – he ended, looking for her hand. She in turn, held his, and looked at him in the eye. Then, she came closer and kissed him tenderly on his lips, her hand stroking his cheek, while he held her by the waist. Then she said:
-I’m sorry, but I have to go right now… I’d love to stay with you, I assure, but today it’s impossible.
-All right… – granted him, quite dissapointed – But I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back, I have to get some money before.
-Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you all the time it takes. I can’t wait to see you again. – She said with a smile, and then gave him a quickly goodbye kiss, a brush of lips, and walked away through the wet streets.
He saw her while she was going away, with the trace of her kiss still on his mouth. He couldn’t believe it, didn’t know how to feel, after so much time and tears, finally that perfect criature was his, finally he could let loose his feelings, finally he could build with her all his dreams. Finally.
He was sitting on the rickety chair, in his room, watching the screen of the computer, tired. It had been a terrible day, as always, in that godforsaking working class neighborhood, in his miserable life where only problems grew up, fed by himself or by the others.
The computer was playing another metal band, as always. A chat window was opened in a corner of the screen, under constant oversight. He was waiting anxiously for her to connect and be able to talk. He felt like venting in someone, had to tell all he was feeling, how bad was his life to anyone, and it’d be much better if that was the woman he loved. It was almost eleven and had lost all hope when the green icon besides her name in the chat window lit. He jumped on the chair and right away opened a new window to talk to her. After saying hello, gentlemanly asked her how she was:
– The truth is that I’m not feeling much good today… – she answered.
– Why is that?
– My boyfriend, we’ve had an argument.
– Yeah, again… I’m worried, this time it’s been a serious one and he’d hurt me. Rigth now I was crying.
While reading these words, a surge of anger rose from his stomach. Why did she insist on wasting her time with such an asshole? Why dis she waste herself in a relationship that didn’t bring her any joy? He would never hurt her, would respect and appreciate her, things would be so easy for them… Why couldn’t she leave him for good and all and start something new with him? Just why?
Obviously, all those were rhetorical questions to which there wasn’t an answer. He tried to comfort her, his heart shrunken. When a while later they disconnected, he laid on bed, watching the ceiling until he felt asleep.
Once again in his room, but this time things weren’t that bad as he was used to. Even he was whistling while tried to put some order in his stuff, which was scattered all around. He was playing some metal in the computer, but something more melodic. It was not a coincidence. The truth is that for the first time in his life, he felt a bit happy, satisfied. Finally he had something to live for, to hold on during those moments when all strengh was gone, maybe a reason to figth and breath, someone to protect.
While those thoughts danced around his mind, his mobile phone started to sound. He looked at the screen, it was her. He hastened to answer:
– Hi – he said in a cheerful tone.
– Hey, how is it going? – answered her.
– Better than ever… Although I miss you so much, I’m dying to see you.
– Me too, I can’t take it any more.
– I’ve got some money, I think this weekend I could make it to your city.
– Really? That’s great… Hmm I hope I could see you tomorrow. Or better, I wish you were here right now… – she added, pouting.
– Haha, it’s okay, don’t worry, I’m sure these days will pass quickly.
After talk a bit more, he hung up, feeling good. That warm inside his heart and that golden light that lit his world suddenly were amazing.
First, five minutes passed. Then ten. Then twenty, thirty, forty… An hour, two. He had waited for hours and hours in front of the window, watching the street, but she hadn’t shown up. At first, he hadn’t barely got worried, thought some unforseen would have arisen and that had made her be late, but later the clockwise advanced heartless, reeling off the minutes, until he was sured she wouldn’t appear. He wasn’t that sure about what to think, what to feel. Suddenly, concern and anxiety surfaced in his heart. Maybe something bad had happened to her. He thought about calling that friend of her, the one who has told him she had broken up with his boyfriend, although he didn’t feel like much. Anyway, his disquite won the battle, and took the phone to make the call:
– Hey, I’m Josh, Paris’ friend, we talked the other day, remember?
– Oh yes, of course. How are you?
– Good, thanks. Listen, have you heard of Paris? Cause we were suppossed to meet and she hasn’t shown up, so I’m a bit worry…
– Hmm… And why were you going to meet?
– I don’t know… Just to see each other… I mean, as she had left his boyfriend, then…
– See, I don’t know how to tell you… They have broken up, that’s truth, but they came back together a couple of weeks ago.
– What? You can’t be serious… I talked to her… Me… She…
– Look, boy, I’m sorry, I don’t know what she told you, but today she’s gone out with him, I’ve seen them around, together… Hey, you there? Hey?
He let the phone slide off his hand and fall to the carpet on the floor. He couldn’t tell how he was feeling because he didn’t know. She had cheated on him, she had lied to him, she had played on him… All those sighs when she called him, when she told him she was dying to see him, that she missed him… All that was a lie, she had never felt for him. And he, that fool, had believed her, had thought he had got away with it, that his love for her had won. He had wasted his time and money in all that just to get in return a bunch of cheap lies. He felt embarrased and hurt, he felt ridiculous, pathetic, stupid, broken and desperate. Pain got to every single nook of his body, fill everything. He couldn’t think clearly the same way his eyes, filled with tears impeded him to see clearly. Suddenly, that golden ligth was gone and everything turned dark. He was alone in the wreck of his life, alone among the ruins, the boat sank with the captain in.
He cried, and when he considered that it’d been enough for the day, went outside to feel the cold wind. It was a quiet night, the full moon reflected in the puddles. Suddenly, the city seemed a terrible and hostile place, heartless. The world seemed dangerous and cold. Some hours ago all was marvellous, and now everything seemed so dismal and threatening. There was no smile on his mouth, instead there was a flinch. He didn’t know where to go, he just wanted to feel the cold until it made him feel better, he just wanted to run away of all that, wanted to run away and never return.
He was in the place where they met two years ago, walking among people. He didn’t feel like meeting her, he wasn’t looking for her, but couldn’t avoid finding her. A reddish reflection caught his attention and turned his head to find a mane of red hair and those green eyes he knew so well. She tried to slip away, but he was quickler and ran towards her, taking her arm and pulling to force her to turn around and face his eyes that were blazing due to the fire of the wound he carried inside.
– Eeeh… Me… What do you want? – she stammered, a bit scared.
– Listen, because this is the last time in my life I talk to you: do you think it was okay what you did to me? After all that time being friends, all that I sacrificed, do you really think that I deserve that? Why wasn’t you sincere with me? Why did you threw away our frienship like that? I was a fool, there was a time when I used to love you, but not anymore, I learnt that for you I didn’t mean anything never.
Once he said this, without giving her time to answer, he walked away from her life forever, with a bitten taste in his mouth.