Self pity: I hate that feeling and manage to avoid it most of time, but some days I just can’t. A part of me loves the relief and the sick comfort that it brings to my heart. Yesterday night, it was one of those days.
People usually go out on Saturday night with their family or friends to pubs or wherever. I also wanted to go out last night, but the problem is that, as I’m a lonely and introvert person, the couple of friends I have were going out with their other friends whom I don’t know much. But this not an obstacle to me, so I put my make up on, dressed a bit more carefully than usually and left home to wander around town on my own. I walked by the local pubs, but some of them were closed for holidays, so that the rest were crowded and there wasn’t any table left for me. Finally, I ended up in a pub far away from downtown where they were celebrating some kind of party. Luckily, there were some seats for clients that weren’t in invited. I ordered a rum with lemon and took a seat. I looked at the pub terrace where the people of the party were. All of them were in white. Then, I paid attention to the music: in the terrace, they were playing today’s shitty pop music, but other group where outside, in a car, playing an album of a metal band I didn’t know. I heard a mixture of the two kinds of music, the strangest mixture I’ve ever heard in my life, although I would prefer to listen to the metal band only. The waiter brought my drink and I relaxed while contemplated the sky. And then I started getting depressed, I was in the mood for it. And, again, I wondered what if I could have been another person and have a better and perfect life where everything was as I dreamed it. I know it’s childish, but sorry, sometimes I can’t help it. After that, my thoughts flew to nowadays decadent world and my struggle against been caught by its hypocrisy and got even more depressed. To that point, someone has turned up the volume of the shitty pop music and I couldn’t take it anymore. I finished my rum and came back home throught the lonely streets.